Here are 100 funny bean jokes and the best bean puns to crack you up. These jokes about beans are great jokes for kids and adults.

Here is our top list of bean dad jokes. Find your favorite puns about beans, have a laugh, then share and enjoy this bean humor with others.

Jump to:

• Bean puns
• Bean one liners
• Best bean jokes
• Final thoughts

Bean puns

Here are some of our favorite dad jokes about beans that are also awesome bean jokes for adults and kids to be told!

1. Why did the bean sell his car? The back seat didn’t have enough legume.
2. What do you call a disabled kid who is blind? A grape chillie bean.
3. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Phillip. Phillip who? Phillip that basket, I need help picking the beans.
4. Did you hear about the guy who invented dip made from garbanzo beans but didn’t get any recognition for it? He was honored posthummusly.
5. What do you call a retired vegetable? A has-bean.

1. Why couldn’t the green bean answer the door? It was in the can.
2. What kind of stockings do you need to grow green beans? Garden hose.
3. What’s a werewolf’s favorite kind of bean to eat? A human bean.
4. What did the lentil say to the other lentil? How you bean?
5. Did you hear about the bean that changed careers? He went into a different field.

1. What do you call onions and beans? tear gas.
2. What do you call a pea that works in the circus? A tra-peas artist.
3. What did the weirdo say after he was caught creeping around in someone’s garden? I’ve bean stalking you.
4. What is your favorite pirate movie? Pirates of the Carib-bean.
5. How do you make Turkish coffee? You grind up 1.5 million Armenian coffee beans and lie about it for a century.

1. What role do green beans play in Thanksgiving dinner? The casse-role.
2. Why can’t you trust tacos? They tend to spill the beans.
3. Why did the kicker bring string beans to the football game? Just in case he needed to tie the game.
4. Why do peas dislike noisy eaters? Because they want peas and quiet.
5. What kind of vegetable is jealous? A green bean.

1. What is the difference between a Chick pea and a Garbanzo bean? I’ve never had a Garbanzo bean on my face for my birthday.
2. Why did the green bean casserole look away? Because he saw the cranberry dressing.
3. What vegetable can tie your shoes? String beans.
4. What did the mama green bean say to her son who got home late? Where have you bean?
5. Why were the two green bean plants so close? They had deep roots.

1. When he finally met the love of his life, he said these words, “where you bean all my life? I have been looking for you.”
2. What’s another name for a Soy Mocha Latte? 3 bean soup.
3. How are coffee beans like teenagers? They’re always getting grounded.
4. Who’s a famous jelly bean? Mr. Jelly Bean.
5. Why should you always invest into the bean market? The stalks can only go up.

1. Why did the bean play fortnite? because it had a beantroller.
2. What do you call a Mexican Baptism? Bean Dip.
3. What’s beans’ favorite hat? A beanie.
4. What vegetable can tie your stomach in knots? String beans.
5. Why wasn’t the young veggie allowed to start in the game? He was a green bean.

1. What’s an alternate ending to the famous fairy tale? Jack and the beans talk.
2. Do you think I’m funny? I’ve bean practicing jokes all day.
3. Did you hear about the little bean who looked just like his dad? Like fava, like son.
4. What kind of shows do green beans do? Pod casts.
5. Why shouldn’t you tell a secret in a garden? Because the potatoes have eyes, the corn has ears, and the green beans stalk.

1. What kind of beans can’t grow in a garden? Jelly beans.
2. What is a poet’s favorite legume? Rhyma-beans.
3. What did Ronnie have at taco bell? A mind-blowing bean barrito.
4. Why don’t I eat beans? Cuz it gives migas.
5. What do you call it after cowboys eat beans at high noon? A toot-out at the O.K. Corral.

1. What do you get when you cross a cow with a coffee bean grower? De-calf.
2. What made the green bean turn red? It saw the salad dressing.
3. What do you call brown mixed with yellow? someone who just ate beans.
4. What do you call a bean that was previously famous? A “has bean”.
5. Why was Mr Bean on the River Thames? He was Rowing at Kingston.

1. What did Hamlet say? To bean or not to bean, that is the question.
2. How do you get 50 hungry kids out of a box? You run pass with a can opener.
3. What Did One Bean say to the Other Bean? How You Bean.
4. What do you call Muhammed Ali after he eats a lot of beans? Gaseous Clay.
5. What happens to coffee beans when they have a similar experience? Having a deja brew.

1. What do you call Mexican that smokes weed? Baked bean.
2. What do you call a group of trendy beans? Cool beans.
3. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Bean. Bean who? Bean a while since I last saw ya.
4. What’s the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean? I wouldn’t pay $20 to have a garbanzo bean on my face.
5. Why do Mexicans re-fry their beans? Have you seen a Mexican do anything right the first time?

1. Ah, you like Star Trek? Well, bean me up, Scotty.
2. Why can’t Mexicans have a barbeque? The beans keep falling through the grill.
3. What is the deal with Egyptian pharaohs and people that eat beans? I hear they have a Tutankhamon.
4. Why are there exactly two hundred and thirty-nine beans in an Irish Bean Soup? Because if there were one more, it’d be too farty.
5. What’s a tailor’s favorite kind of vegetable? A string bean.

1. How do you get 50 hungry kids into a box? You put a can of beans in there.
2. What is the fastest type of beans in the world? – Usain Bean.
3. Why can’t you trust a burrito? In case it spills the beans.
4. What did the cup say to the coffee? Where have you bean all my life?
5. What do you call an athletic bean? A runner bean.

Bean one liners

Here are some great bean joke one liners that you can quip whenever someone is talking about beans.

1. You and I are meant to bean.
2. That is a “Penny-Farthing” bicycle, Dimes if you feed it beans.
3. When he finished his studies, he didn’t have many places to go. In fact, he loved bean around.
4. People are like Bean Burritos. You can eat them EVERY DAY, but you’ll never run out.
5. Beans are healthy and a good substitute for meat and animal protein. However, string beans will tie your stomach in knots.

1. The favorite bean for a zombie is a human bean.
2. Since the year begun, I have bean thinking on different ways of improving my communication skills.
3. You are a great human bean.
4. During the war, everyone took cover except the navy bean that was left to navigate the waters.
5. When the barrister came, he told the overly excited coffee beans, “can everyone kettle down please.”

1. If you want to live in a peaceful world, eat beans not beings.
2. When the green bean took me out for a few drinks, he chose the salad bar over all the pubs on the street.
3. No words can espresso how much you bean to me. You are so special.
4. She was so determined that she would take whatever beans necessary to get her cup of coffee each day.
5. Green beans potato salad with the one that was in the fridge for me.

1. Un-bean-ownst to us, she bought a present for her friend.
2. Rarely do you come across kind people. Therefore, when you see a generous human bean, make them a friend for life.
3. During the wedding, the groom gave the bride a card written long ago with these words on it, ‘thank you for bean you’.
4. The green bean go to have a few drinks in The salad bar.
5. It looks like a runner bean, only smaller. From the makers of Mangeone.

Best bean jokes

These next funny bean puns are some of our best jokes and puns about beans!

1. What vegetable comes from outer space? Green beings.
2. What did the taco say to the burrito? Where you bean?
3. What did the pasta say to the green bean? Penne for your thoughts.
4. What did the bean of coffee say to its wife? You are brew-ti-ful.
5. Why don’t people gossip during breakfast? They don’t want to spill the beans.

1. What do you call a cat who likes to eat beans? Puss ‘n’ Toots.
2. How does a baked bean learn from its mistakes? It uses Heinz sight.
3. Why wouldn’t the teacher bring the class to the green bean farm? It was in a seedy part of town.
4. Why can’t you trust a burrito at a drive thru window? Because it might spill the beans.
5. Who doesn’t love jelly beans? Make these sweet treats even more delightful with these jellybean-inspired lines.

Final thoughts

After reading through all these hilarious jokes about beans, we hope you had a good laugh.

If you want to hear more funny vegetable jokes then check out these other great lists of funny jokes:

• Corn jokes
• Pumpkin puns
• Jokes about carrots